tiny toilet roll on black background

My legally binding contract with you.

The naming handle that you supply as your (finger-quote) user-name, (/unquote) — is simply used as a reference label in the internal database filing system that I hold (off-line).

The user handle can be anything you want.

Please keep this in mind: that the name you enter, is also used as the salutation in the emails. So if you enter Fuck-Face, then the email starts. Hello {Fuck-Face}, hope you’re keeping well, .. etc:

Got that Fuck-Face?

In reality: all I basically need from you, is your fully functioning email address, — (that will be verified.)

And that’s it!

To actually save this minimal information, then this admin has set up something called a localStorage variable to save the data.

** I don’t use COOKIES if I can help it, (hate them in fact), especially in what they’ve become, ..

Cookie == Your silent partner, watching your every move, silently tracking your every click and like when surfing the web, whilst also recording your (own) personal family food and sexual preferences as well.

My, (your) localStorage machine variable is constructed thus:-

  1. Your user handle.
  2. Your working email address.
  3. The date-n-time when you subscribed, (for fun!)
  4. The script also checks if you are logged in as a member, (can’t think why, but it does.)
  5. It also sets a personal visitor counter, (also done for a bit of fun as well, because it holds no financial value.)

These variables will be stored locally on your own local machine.
( Nothing off site, and no bloody third parties involved. )
This small chunk of iniquitous data, actually enables my website to recognise your PC’s footprint when you next visit: it then becomes a more more immersive personal experience to revel in, and all without going through the rather laborious impersonal WP registration process.
Although I do try and make the intimate embrace of first contact a bit nicer than most.

Personal user sex toys aside, I have two types of technical website members here, (loose) and (registered.)

In in all things, member or not!
Your (own) personal working email address is how I personally keep in touch with you.

This unique email connection, then becomes the only means of (me), being able to contact (you), and only for the divine purpose of allowing (your) good offices to receive (my) intermittent progress reports, and of course global updates in the form of an electronic (Narrowsheet ™), that’s currently being ePublished as:-
The (Dark Times Newsletter ©)
It should also be noted, that the additional eNotation publications of my erratic book updates, will be shipped out as an when, and of course; not forgetting the all important — now and again, once in a blue moon, and from time to time.
C Wot I did there?

send an email in an envelope

My minimal newsheet and reporting feature can be suspend at any time, and done via this webpage.

The in-built scripts, actually kill off the localStorage variable, and also send me an email on your behalf: addressed to jessica@b92.co.uk of course, – whereby you’ll then receive a regretful response from Little-Ol-‘Me, woefully removing your limited contact details from my ultra private, (did I mention), off-site mailing list.

Your most unworthy servant, also furthermore legally states for the record here, that thou’ most cherished email address, — shall never ever be passed to any other third party entity, (sales or otherwise), nor shall it ever be used by this website for any other nefarious reason: whatsoever.

For your own part in this honourable paperless contract, (you) shall be deemed to have accepted (my) own very simple:-
Terms and Conditions primarily used in exercising Mrs Jessica Simpson’s copyright ownership over (all) of her works.

The subscription terms to a layman:
You get my private updates, ..
I permanently keep nothing of yours, ..
  – And you own nothing of mine.

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